How do men really feel about divorce?

By April 5, 2012Divorce

On behalf of The Marks Law Firm, L.L.C. posted in Divorce on Thursday, April 5, 2012

Stereotypes can be dangerous. They can hide a gem under a rough exterior, or protect that ubiquitous wolf wearing sheep’s clothing. When it comes to divorce, stereotypes probably are as alive and well in St. Louis as they are in the rest of the country. We imagine the older gentleman tossing out his older wife and trading her in for a younger model. We might imagine a wife leaving her ex-husband penniless.

The truth is those stereotypes are often incorrect. A psychologist and book author conducted research into the feelings and attitudes of men after divorce. The results may surprise many.

Apparently, men do not usually exhibit a bravado post-divorce attitude. While men may fare better financially, it is not unusual for them to have serious emotional issues. These issues range from despair and uncontrollable crying to depression that leads some to contemplate suicide. Some turn to drugs or alcohol. Divorced men are nearly eight times more likely to commit suicide in comparison to divorced women.

Comments from the newly divorced men include:

  • “I was totally devastated.”
  • “I was wailing, and beating my pillow, and wondering, why?”
  • “It was a death of dreams … a death of hopes and wishes.”
  • “I didn’t know who … I was.”

The author’s anecdotal research indicates that men are slowing changing as a group and relinquishing any perceived notions of entitlement. Many of the divorced men that were interviewed felt that their former spouses might be proud of the way in which they have changed.

Many look forward to a second marriage. That’s a positive attitude.

Source: ABC News, “Men After Divorce: In Touch With Feelings,” Bill Ritter, March 13, 2012