Let’s face it—parenting is tough, even when everyone lives under the same roof. Add miles (or even states) between you and your child, and things get a little more complicated. If you’re a non-residential co-parent in Missouri, you’re likely juggling schedules, time zones, flights, FaceTimes, and feelings—all while trying to make the best decisions for your child.
But here’s the good news: long-distance parenting can absolutely work. In fact, many Missouri families make it work beautifully. It just takes a solid understanding of the law, a reliable plan, and a big dose of intention and heart.
Let’s dig into what long-distance co-parenting looks like in Missouri—what the law says, what challenges to expect, and how to keep your relationship with your child strong, even across the miles.
What Is a Non-Residential Co-Parent?
In simple terms, a non-residential co-parent is a parent who does not have the child live with them for the majority of the time but still maintains a significant role in their child’s life. They are involved in major decisions about the child’s upbringing and maintain a strong emotional connection, even though they don’t have the majority of physical custody time. That doesn’t mean they’re any less of a parent—it just means parenting looks a little different. A non-residential co-parent is still part of their child’s everyday life: making decisions, offering emotional support, and being a reliable, loving presence. The non-residential co-parent is just doing it from a distance.
This kind of setup can happen after a divorce, legal separation, or when one parent relocates for a new job, a relationship, or to be closer to family. And when that relocation crosses city lines—or state lines—it’s not just about logistics. There are legal hoops to jump through too.
Can a Parent in Missouri Move Out of State with a Child?
Here’s the deal: in Missouri, a parent with custody (even sole physical custody) cannot just pack up and move with the child without letting the other parent know. Missouri Revised Statute § 452.377 is crystal clear about this.
If you’re planning to move your child’s principal residence for more than 90 days—whether it’s to another city, another state, or even another country—you’re legally required to give the other parent written notice at least 60 days in advance. Not optional.
This notice must include:
- The intended new residence, including the specific address and mailing address, if known, and if not known, the city;
- The home phone number of the new residence, if known;
- The date of the intended move or proposed relocation;
- A brief statement of the specific reasons for the proposed relocation of a child, if applicable;
- A proposed for a revise schedule of custody or visitation with the child, if applicable; and
- The other party’s right, if that party is a parent, to file a motion, pursuant to this section, seeking an order to prevent the relocation and an accompanying affidavit setting forth the specific good-faith factual basis for opposing the relocation within thirty days of receipt of the notice.
And not just a quick email—you need to send this notice via certified mail, return receipt requested.
Once you send it, the other parent has 30 days to object. If they do, the move could end up in court, where a judge will look at whether the relocation is in the child’s best interest and whether you’re acting in good faith.
Fail to give proper notice? You could be ordered to return the child, pay legal fees, or worse.
So, How Do You Co-Parent from a Distance?
If you’re already living apart from your child, or about to start long-distance parenting, you might be wondering: how do I actually do this? How do I stay connected? How do we handle holidays? School plays? The random Tuesday when your child just needs to talk?
Let’s talk strategy.
1. Get that Parenting Plan in Writing
A long-distance parenting plan is a must-have. It’s your roadmap. And in Missouri, courts expect parents to submit one when custody is being determined—especially if a relocation is involved.
Your plan should answer questions like:
- How often will the child visit the non-residential parent?
- Who’s covering travel costs?
- Will virtual visits be scheduled?
- How will holidays, birthdays, and school breaks be split?
- What happens if there’s a change in school, medical care, or other big decisions?
Think of this plan as your peacekeeper. When things get emotional (and they will), having expectations clearly spelled out can prevent a lot of stress.
2. Lean Into Technology
Seriously—technology is your best friend here. You’re not limited to awkward, rushed phone calls. Now you can:
- Have regular video chats via Zoom, FaceTime, or Google Meet.
- Play games together online.
- Read bedtime stories through a screen.
- Watch the same movie “together” and text during it.
- Use shared calendars to stay in the loop on school, sports, and doctor’s appointments.
There are also co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents, or Cozi that help keep both parents informed and organized—without messy email threads.
3. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
You may not be there for every school pickup or soccer game, and that’s hard. But what you can do is make your time together count.
Be present. Be attentive. Ask thoughtful questions about their life, friends, interests. Celebrate their wins. Be that steady, reliable presence—even if you’re on the other end of a screen.
4. Respect Each Other in Front of the Children
This one’s big. No matter how frustrated or heartbroken you feel about the distance—or the other parent—it’s critical to keep things civil in front of the children.
Talk positively about your co-parent (or at the very least, neutrally). Avoid arguing over the phone within earshot. Don’t use your child as a messenger or a spy.
Children thrive when they feel safe and supported by both parents.
5. Acknowledge That This Is Hard
Let’s not sugarcoat it. Long-distance parenting is tough.
There will be missed moments. There will be guilt, loneliness, and maybe some resentment. You might feel disconnected. You might worry that your child is drifting away from you.
That’s normal. You’re human. And your child may be struggling with those same feelings too.
So make space for all of it. Talk to a therapist. Join a support group. Call a friend. It’s okay to grieve what you’re missing while still celebrating the relationship you do have.
6. Show Up—However You Can
Can’t be there for the school play? Send flowers or a note.
Missed the first basketball game? Watch the video your co-parent sends, and text a voice message telling them how proud you are.
Kids remember these moments. Your effort tells them: “Even though I’m not there, I still see you. I’m still here for you.”
What About Legal Disagreements?
If co-parenting conflicts do arise, Missouri courts prioritize the child’s best interests in every decision. If one parent is withholding visitation or not following the parenting plan, you can file a motion to enforce custody.
Sometimes, mediation is a helpful first step to resolving issues. Other times, you may need to head back to court. Either way, documenting everything—communications, missed visits, expenses—can be helpful.
And always, always consult with an experienced family law attorney if things get sticky.
Final Thoughts
Long-distance co-parenting isn’t easy—but it is absolutely doable. In Missouri, the law supports both parents being involved in a child’s life, even across state lines.
Whether you’re just starting this journey or you’ve been at it a while, remember this: love doesn’t have a zip code. With structure, communication, and a little creativity, you can build a strong, meaningful relationship with your child—no matter where you live. Should you need the assistance of an experienced divorce or child custody attorney in Creve Coeur, St. Charles, or O’Fallon, or have questions about your divorce situation, know that we are here to help and ready to discuss those questions with you.