Divorce in the New Year?

By December 24, 2015Divorce

We know from experience over the years that many people wanting to pursue a divorce often put it off during the holiday season, for the sake of family and children and the general belief that maybe, just maybe, the spirit of the holidays might heal a broken marriage. But after the holidays pass and the same problems that lead to divorce remain or seem even more apparent, the New Year brings the resolve to file for divorce.

We came across an article by a mom who went through divorce at this time of year, and she offered some resolutions. We thought we would share some of her practical advice.

First, if you believe your marriage has reached the beyond repair point and you file for divorce, do not entertain fanciful thoughts of getting back together. Your spouse will not suddenly change into a different person and the problems will not really disappear. If you have not managed to work the problems out by now, to the point you seek a divorce, you will not do so using divorce as a tool for reconciliation.

Second, seek out good financial advice. Not only will you need to determine your full assets and liabilities as a couple, you will need to determine a budget for living independently and how to make that new life financially feasible. This in turn means taking a serious inventory of your life and your goals, deciding what is truly important, what you want to pursue, and how to afford it.

Third, keep your children as a priority and take actions consistent with furthering their best interests. Divorce will mean dissolving a household, but it will not sever parental ties. The future can be one where you have continual fighting with your ex about custody, which only creates emotional chaos for the children, or you can choose to put your marriage emotions aside and do what is best for your children and their psychological well being.

Fourth, learn your lessons and forgive yourself. In every marriage, people go in with good intentions but perhaps missed something about their spouse or their own priorities in life. Getting a divorce is not an unpardonable sin or a permanent sign of failure. Sometimes marriages just do not work and the best path forward is to go separate ways. Learning what went wrong and becoming a stronger and wiser person will make you a better parent and a better partner for future relationships.

Finally, build yourself a good network of friends and family on whom you can rely in this difficult transitional period. It can be daunting going through a divorce alone; having emotional support can help you stay in a better psychological space where you can make better decisions.

If you have questions about divorce in the new year, contact us – we can help.