Jonathan Marks, STL Moms: Biggest Relationship Killers


Margie: Well, we counted it down for months, and now with the total solar eclipse behind us, an article in the Huffington Post brought up some interesting facts and stats about divorce. Jonathan Marks with the Marks Law Firm is here to shed some light, if you will, on this. Good morning to you.

Jonathan: Good morning Margaret.

Margie: Yeah. And you know. It’s strange, with your business, I mean, you can almost count down the days to what time of year people file the most for divorce.

Jonathan: You typically see a boost right after school starts sometime in September after Labor Day. And then you also usually see a boost sometime right after the first of the year all the way into February, kind of a real large period of time for filings of divorce.

Margie: Do they know why that is?

Jonathan: Well, statistically they think that it has to do with either family vacations coming off, you know, during the summer time, they don’t think it’s a great idea for purposes of being able to enter into a divorce and split up a family, or if it’s during the holiday season coming off of Christmas, they kinda view it as maybe it’s that one last time they wanna give the family as a viewpoint of everything’s going okay, or maybe they even view it as one last attempt to see if maybe whatever they view as wrong in the marriage can be rectified by going through the holiday season. The same is true with even a summer vacation. And if it doesn’t work out, that’s usually the period of time when they start to call an attorney and then start to file for divorce.

Margie: The second thing that this article brought up talks about how age impacts divorce.

Jonathan: Yeah. So, this article was talking about statistically how the younger you are with your first marriage, the more likely you are to get divorced. And then that pattern actually follows you through the rest of your life. In essence, you know, statistically about 50% of all marriages, unfortunately, land in a divorce. But the younger you are for purposes entering into that first marriage results in a higher rate for a second and third divorce being, you know, going from 50% for your first marriage, two thirds for your second marriage, and three quarters if you get married three times.

Margie: Oh my goodness. Wow. I don’t think is any surprise but social media, the internet, have caused divorce rates to rise.

Jonathan: Yeah. It used to be, you know, if you went back, you know, 10 years ago, people used to say, “Oh well, the internet, it’s the pornography aspect of it that allows you to,” and today, it’s really not that. That’s nothing new. In reality, it’s more of the Facebook or in the Tinder and the examples are, you know, somebody may be looking for an old flame or somebody that they always wanted to be within the past in high school, It’s very easy to go onto Facebook and then have the ability to find that person. Or it’s somebody who just gets bored in today’s world, they just go on to Tinder and they figure out which way they wanna swipe and the next thing they know, they’re involved in a relationship that takes them out of their marriage.

Margie: Yeah, the next thing is, men and women view divorce differently, and I think this kinda lies in, kinda, how we are.

Jonathan: Yeah, you know, the old, “Men are from Mars, Women are…”

Margie: Yeah.

Jonathan: That’s true to a point but I don’t that in today’s world that’s as realistic, especially as what, you know, the article referenced because with the majority of individuals, men or women, working outside the home for purposes of a family structure, I don’t think it’s as logical as it used to be which is that men are non-emotional, women are very emotional. I think in today’s world, both of them are viewing it from the impact of, “What do we need to do that puts us into a situation that gets us to a result that’s best for individuals and then the children?” And so, I don’t think it’s viewed in that logical sense. I don’t think that the men that walk in want it done like that, and the women wanna go to the emotional aspect. I think it’s actually very balanced in today’s society.

Margie: Yeah, I agree with you on that. And this is something that never changes. Tell the kids right away.

Jonathan: Yes. So, you know, the worst thing that happens is when one person takes control of the situation, has made the decision they’re gonna file for the divorce, and then they go and sit down with the kids without the other spouse there, and they start telling them the story as to what’s going to happen, and it makes the kids very confused as to why one parent is in control of the situation, and why aren’t they being told by both parents at the same time. So, you know, even though you’re going through that family split, cohesion for purposes of being able to sit down with the children and have that joint discussion as early as possible so there’s no confusion as to why maybe, you know, two separate bedrooms, someone living in a basement, whatever it may be, or someone moving out of the house, so that there’s a knowledge base so that the kids don’t have a blame or confusion over the situation.

Margie: All right. Very good. Jonathan Marks, thank you so much for your time this morning. We appreciate it.

Jonathan: Thank you, Margie.

Margie: More information on The Marks Law Firm, head to the “STL Moms” tab.

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